dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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