She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
