He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
