its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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