someone threw a dead crab at me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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