I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
