Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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