Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
