you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
