I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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