First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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