We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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