She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
third nipple confirmed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
