i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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