i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
