What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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