I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
