I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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