It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
