I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
