I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
