rhymes with "ouble enetration"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
