Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it glows. i had to have it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
