My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
