My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
