so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
