please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
