I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
