I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
