I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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