she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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