Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
