let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize