I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
