no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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