Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
