please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
