on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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