Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
