Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
