morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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