So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
