just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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