once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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