I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
