I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
