i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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