i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize