maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
