He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
