I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
