My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god it's open bar.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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