oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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