Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
