Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
