Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
