i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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