I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize