I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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