Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
