mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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