She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
