My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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