did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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