At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
