My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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