I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am one with the molecules
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
