Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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