I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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