I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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